美国发布新闻过程中，如何将第一人称外宣新闻通稿修改为符合发布标准的稿件？（全）
这篇新闻通稿主题是江苏省第二十届运动会（THE 20TH GAMES OF JIANGSU PROVINCE）。运动会由江苏省人民政府举办、泰州市人民政府承办，将于2022年8月28日在江苏省泰州市举行。
这是一篇由中文翻译到英文的新闻通稿，稿件初始题目为：“知道“泰宝”和“凤娃”的故事吗？”（Got an idea of the story of “Taibao” and “Fengwa”?）稿件首段首句就是第一人称的自我陈述，我是泰州珍宝麋鹿，早在几千年前，泰州就是我的故乡。（I am Taizhou’s treasure Elk. As early as a thousand years ago, Taizhou was my hometown.）。
设问式新闻通稿标题往往受到特别关注。标题里有问号，一般导致系统自动提示人工审核，如果标题或内容再缺少新闻性，则会被要求修改后重新提交。本篇发到美国的新闻通稿大量使用第一人称(I, Me, My, We, Us, Our, etc.)。第一人称，以及第二人称（You, Your, etc.）等一般被认为不具有新闻价值，且不适合直接用于新闻通稿的内容中。
以下是修改前文章。
Got an idea of the story of “Taibao” and “Fengwa”?
I am Taizhou’s treasure Elk. As early as a thousand years ago, Taizhou was my hometown. We once flourished. After performing an epic of “I Am Homeward Bound”, we went back to Taizhou, the hometown where we missed so much.
In fairy tales, I am the mount of Jiang Ziya, an ancient beast; In the history of thousands of years, I am the exclusive darling of the royal family, with my own aristocratic atmosphere. Although it seems that I’m lazy, once I run, I am the “king of short distance events”. Two years ago, we were lucky enough to participate in the competition for mascots of the Beijing Olympic Games, but we lost to Bing Dwen Dwen and Shuey Rhon Rhon due to inadequate preparation. This time, The 20th Games of Jiangsu Province will be held at home, and we can’t miss it.
Let me look through the classics for inspiration. Fortunately, I found it. Chao Shuo-zhi in Song Dynasty wrote in The Story of Hailing, “Outside the hundred-year-old elk, it was a turbulent day in Phoenix.” Phoenix is an ancient god beast, an auspicious thing. There is Phoenix Pier in Taizhou, and Phoenix is also the image representative of Taizhou, which can completely match me. Imitating the former rivals Bing Dwen Dwen and Shuey Rhon Rhon, we also made a cartoon transformation. My antlers are curved, my arms are running, my body is yellow, and I wear blue clothes. My partner, Phoenix, has a phoenix on her head, spreading her wings and taking off. She is all red, with green clothes. We complement each other. The colorful halo of Bing Dwen Dwen symbolizes the “Ice Ribbon” of the National Speed Skating Hall of the Beijing Winter Olympics. We learn from it. Taizhou is a water city, painted with the river lines of Shangcheng, with rich local characteristics.
Decoration has been done, and next is the naming. In terms of the famous Bing Dwen Dwen and Shuey Rhon Rhon, they are not only easy to remember and read, but also have deep cultural implications. Elk is the auspicious beast of Taizhou, isn’t it the baby of Taizhou? Let’s call it “Taibao”. Phoenix is the image ambassador of Taizhou and a lovely doll, and the name “Fengwa” is not bad.
The dress is bright and the name is loud. After meticulous preparation, Fengwa and I were easily elected as mascots of The 20th Games of Jiangsu Province. We have not only become cute plush toys, but also digital collections, ice cream and other forms of transformation. It seems that we are involved in imitating, reference and originality, thanks to which we were successfully elected as the mascot of The 20th Games of Jiangsu Province.
“Empower The 20th Games of Jiangsu Province, beautify a city and create a happy city!” This is the mission of “Taibao” and “Fengwa”. Next, “Taibao” and “Fengwa” will spare no effort to use more fantastic ideas and more original scenes to show our enthusiasm, friendliness and openness in Taizhou.
针对上半部分提出的问题，我们对这一新闻通稿从标题、正文、段落格式都做了修改、调整。新编辑的稿件基本保留了初始新闻稿绝大部分原意，也达到了在美国媒体发出的常规新闻通稿标准。
客户只提供了初始新闻通稿，没有提供其它素材，中国盒子中方、外方母语编辑做了资料搜集、整理、翻译工作后对新闻稿件做了全新的重写、编辑。江苏省多个地市是中国盒子常年的客户，我们为客户提供了免费的改稿、编辑服务。
以下为修改后稿件。
Taizhou to Host the 20th Games of Jiangsu Province on August 20th
With Taibao & Fengwa as Mascots, These Games Represent Centuries-Old Traditions
Taizhou, Jiangsu, China – July 8, 2022: Great news for the people of Taizhou as the 20th Games of Jiangsu Province will be held in Taizhou on August 28th, 2022. With Taibao and Fengwa as the mascots, Taizhou’s treasure and renowned mascot Elk will be hosting the audience as Taibao. As early as a thousand years ago, Taizhou was his hometown that once flourished. After performing an epic of “I Am Homeward Bound”, Elk went back to Taizhou, the hometown where he missed so much.
“In fairy tales, I am the mount of Jiang Ziya, an ancient beast and in the history of thousands of years, I am the exclusive darling of the royal family, with my own aristocratic atmosphere.” Said Elk, while talking about the history of Taizhou. “Although it seems that I am lazy, once I run, I am the ‘king of short distance events’.” Elk added. According to Elk, two years ago, they were lucky enough to participate in the competition for mascots of the Beijing Olympic Games, but they lost to Bing Dwen Dwen and Shuey Rhon Rhon due to inadequate preparation. This time, the 20th Games of Jiangsu Province will be held at home, and nobody can miss them.
In the perspective of a classic inspiration, Chao Shuo-zhi in Song Dynasty wrote in The Story of Hailing, “Outside the hundred-year-old elk, it was a turbulent day in Phoenix.” Phoenix is an ancient god beast, an auspicious thing. There is Phoenix Pier in Taizhou, and Phoenix is also the image representative of Taizhou, which can completely match the Elk. Imitating the former rivals Bing Dwen Dwen and Shuey Rhon Rhon, Elk also made a cartoon transformation.
“My antlers are curved, my arms are running, my body is yellow, and I wear blue clothes.” Said Elk in a recent interview, while talking about the games. “My partner, Phoenix, has a phoenix on her head, spreading her wings and taking off. She is all red, with green clothes.” The mascot added. According to Elk, both partners complement each other. The colorful halo of Bing Dwen Dwen symbolizes the “Ice Ribbon” of the National Speed Skating Hall of the Beijing Winter Olympics. Taizhou is a water city, painted with the river lines of Shangcheng, with rich local characteristics.
All the decoration have been completed for the games and the preparations are in the final stages. The next step is naming and in terms of the famous Bing Dwen Dwen and Shuey Rhon Rhon, they are not only easy to remember and read, but also have deep cultural implications. Elk is the auspicious beast of Taizhou, while Phoenix is the image ambassador of Taizhou and a lovely doll, and the name “Fengwa” is not bad.
The dress is bright, and the name is loud. After meticulous preparation, Fengwa and Taibao were easily elected as mascots of The 20th Games of Jiangsu Province. They are not only available in form of cute plush toys, but also in digital collections, ice cream and other forms of transformation. The mascots are involved in imitating, reference and originality, which is why they were successfully elected as the mascot of The 20th Games of Jiangsu Province.
“Our mission is to empower The 20th Games of Jiangsu Province, beautify a city and create a happy city.” Said Elk, who will be Taibao and will be performing alongside Fengwa. Both mascots will spare no effort to use more fantastic ideas and more original scenes to show their enthusiasm, friendliness and openness in Taizhou.
中国盒子提供美联社级别的英语母语原创写稿服务。我们为新华社、华为等客户写过多篇英文原创稿件，为中国国际广播电台、科兴（疫苗）等客户提供过多次改写、润色、校对服务。
